Grief Has No Timeline

I went from crying multiple times every single day to crying once or twice a day. From there, I cried every day, but mostly when something reminded me of my Dad. In recent months, I mostly found myself crying in the car to music because my Dad loved music so much. A few weeks ago, my husband and I went to his father’s property in Southern Ohio where I found a Netflix station that had a Bruce Springsteen special from his Broadway show. I enjoyed the entire show but then found myself crying my eyes out at the end.

Today was a different story. I worked all day and then turned on music when I was making dinner (like so many other nights). I got emotional, but almost in a happy way. It wasn’t until I went to my office to pay bills that my grief hit me once again. My dog (Jax) was laying on my white faux fur rug, just where he laid all of the nights that I worked and my Dad came back to spend time with me. It brought back so many memories from those last few weeks that I got to spend with him. I found a photo of this very memory and just wanted to share it.

Grief has no timeline. It hits you when you expect it to, but it also hits you when you least expect it. It has been over 13 months since I lost the most impressionable person that I will ever have in my life. My dad was my hero, my rock. I still have moments that I think I should call him just to be hit by the awful reality that he is no longer here with me.

I don’t know that I will ever get over the loss of my Dad. I don’t know that there will ever be a day that passes that I don’t think about him.

When my husband turned 40, I gave him a gift, and that gift was a stopwatch that I had engraved, and the most important part of that engraving were the words “you are my rock”.

My husband is my rock, but I don’t think that anyone, even a husband, can ever fill the shoes of your father.

I miss him so much every day.

I guess this post is to say that losing someone as important to you as a father is something that you cannot prepare for. This was the person that protected you when you were young, but also protected you as you got older. It was the person that you knew  you could always count on, no matter what life brought your way.

Dad, I appreciate you so much and I wish that I would have had more time to tell you that. I hope that you know that you were the most influential person in my life, and no one can ever replace that.

Rest easy Dad! I love you!

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