It has been 19 days since dads diagnosis, and 12 days since his first chemotherapy treatment. I have become obsessed with finding information that can help us through this nightmare. I am battling with my own thoughts, and struggling to cope with my new role as caretaker.
I love my Dad to pieces, and I would do anything in the world for him, but I cannot help but think that my mental health directly affects his.
For some reason, today, everything hit me. I have been held captive right along with Dad since he was released from the hospital, and I don’t understand how people can say “you have to take care of yourself too” when my main priority is taking care of my Dad, which requires that I be home with him 24/7 unless I ask someone to sit with him so I can run out.
I’m his nurse, cook, maid, pill calendar, and everything else that a caretaker consists of, yet I still have to work (I work out of my home, but that is even more difficult than leaving the house to go to work).
It is hard to put this in words because of the guilt I feel, but it is important for my mental health that I completely understand the importance of taking care of myself. The only problem is, I don’t know how to do that when I am still a wife, mother, and a consultant for business owners who are relying on me. There is only so much time in a day, and even if I could find the time, I cannot leave Dad alone.
The hospital told me that there are cancer support groups, but how does the primary caretaker attend a support group? The bigger question is, would I go even if I could?
I am praying that I can get myself out of this slump before morning.