2 Months Since I Lost You

Dear Dad,

I cannot even speak your name without emotions creeping up one me. I can’t watch a commercial without emotions creeping up on me. I can’t hear of someone else who has a terminal illness without emotions creeping up one me.

Honestly Dad, I just can’t think of anything at all without emotions creeping up on me. But you know what, I would not have it any other way. If I have to cry every day for eternity I am good with it. If I have to cry for every person that I know who is diagnosed with cancer, I am good with it.

I know that I will forever be grateful that I had you as a father, and I am convinced that you are watching over me, us.

As I type this, once again, I am listening to Pandora through your waterproof Bluetooth speaker that we got you for your 69th birthday last year. I am balling my eyes out right now to Tuesday’s Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd. I can’t help it. When I hear a song you liked, I like it even more. I feel at peace when I listen to music, even if it means that I cry.

Although it has been a little while since I wrote, this blog is my therapy. It allows me to cry, scream, smile, love, and every emotion in between because no one else is watching.

I love you so much that I can’t explain it. I never thought about how much it would hurt to lose you because I never had to. But now I have to think about it… every single day.

All I know is that I love you more than words can say, and I miss you dearly every single day. Please keep watching over us and know that you are loved unconditionally by everyone who ever had the pleasure of calling you their father, son,  grandfather, brother, relative, or friend.

You were one of a kind!